Embracing Presence and Somatic Intelligence for Successful Behavior Change

Insight meditation expert, Narayan Helen Liebenson, shares in her book “The Magnanimous Heart”[1] the importance of turning hope into trust and faith. Hope is important to the extent that it shows we have aspirations. Hope is our vision of a desired future. Hope should still be honored and respected because it can help us through dire situations. So, turning hope into faith does not mean turning away from hope. Rather, turning to faith enables us to focus on the “here and now” rather than wishing for “future fulfillment,” which as mentioned tends to lead to disillusion and despair.

In terms of changing our old habits into healthier behaviors, the concept of turning hope into faith may be better understood through something I experience regularly, in my interactions with my son when we practice cello. Well, he practices, and I coach and advice—parental participation in music practice is something we adopted through the Suzuki method, and are now working to outgrow as he is older. Both his and my focus on a future outcome are always the reason our interactions go south. We usually start with good intentions: I want to uplift him and enable him to see for himself what he needs. He wants to be emotionally stable and collaborate with me. Gradually, as portions of a musical piece need to be repeated to improve intonation, posture, style, or musicality, my son grows impatient. His anxiety and impatience usually stem from his focus on the “good musician” he hopes to be by giving his best. Similarly, mine stem from my focus on the emotionally intelligent son of the future. By leaning on the intangible future, we bring about shame, sense of failure, resentment, and anger, all of which takes us further and further away from the outcome we hoped for.

I observed such a pattern also while working as a lifestyle behavior change coach. I facilitated in small groups, behavior change that focused on increased physical activity and healthy eating. Participants who latched on to an expected outcome, such as losing a certain number of pounds, and beat themselves for not losing any weight immediately, would end up in cycles of guilt and shame. To regain dignity, they would constantly create alternate narratives about why they ate what they ate. Gradually, they lagged behind the rest of the group in adopting healthy behaviors; and the more they lagged behind, the more they engaged in this cycle of shame and alternate narratives. In contrast, participants who were open to trying the program suggestions and were truly tuned into how they were experiencing the small actions they took each day saw weight loss changes over time.

Liebenson states that “when we are less invested in thoughts about the future, we are freed to bring a curiosity to what is happening now…”. Liebenson shares that faith in Pali means “to hand our hearts over.” She explains that as handing our hearts over to some “verified faith” or “trusting in that which can be verified with our own experiences rather than relying on the words of someone else.” This is about changing our state of mind. By not being caught up in beliefs or expectations, we free our minds from emotional captivation; and thus, have energy to focus on our daily actions. This point may be further clarified by the next tip.

Somatic intelligence is the insight that we have about ourselves by being aware of how different parts of our body, organs, and nervous system are behaving and responding to current situations. In other words, we are being fully present with ourselves in the here and now, alive and attentive inwards and out. Somatic intelligence is important.  When we add somatic awareness to the presence described above, we become attentive to our authentic needs, and thus, the actions we take are more likely to truly address our needs.

Writing is a good example for me. Ever since I have memory of having to write (for school, a grant, a journal or magazine), I am filled with anxiety and coincidentally am either suddenly hungry, have cravings, or feel the need to munch and crunch. I let my bodily sensations get carried away by feelings of insecurity; for not knowing what to write, overthinking the amount of work it will take to structure coherent content, feeling pressure to have creative ideas to captivate my reader, and being enticed by ego and pride to sound witty, knowledgeable, and at the very least engaging if not inspiring. Before I know it, I have gulped two cups of café au lait, eaten an almond butter sandwich, chewed two pieces of gum, and produced no writing.

In my behavior change facilitation, participants shared similar experiences. One woman in the group had read that replacing old habits with new desirable behaviors was one way to succeed with behavior change. She had learned about identifying behavioral patterns and cues or triggers to old habits. For her, the pattern was: feeling exhausted from work, and coming home to find relief and relaxation with a cup of wine, which would eventually turn into 4-5 cups. She knew her triggers: the mental state around work stress, and the expectation and association of home with relaxation. Yet, in practice, she was so stressed out when she got home that she would give into her old habits.

This is where somatic intelligence can make a difference. Many of us may think of being present to the here and now in terms of the actions we take. If, in addition to that, we could also tune into how stress is showing up in our bodily sensations, our physiological responses, our breath, our shoulders, our chest and neck, our head posture, our facial expressions, our gaze, and our skin; and just notice… We would give us a chance to re-set without the assistance of external rewards.

Re-setting or centering can be as simple as taking a few truly nurturing breaths before engaging in the new behavior or engaging in a meditative practice if you have one. When I remember to pay attention to my bodily sensations first, I would notice that before reaching the peak of stress, my chest, throat, and jaw start to tighten, my mind is racing at 120 miles an hour, the weight of my head is forward (even if I’m not leaning forward), and my fingers are jittery despite not having had coffee. I have found that a short meditation or even just a few deep nurturing breaths can re-center me: letting go of the physical tension I identified, and re-assessing the source of my urges. I would be able to then tell if I’m actually hungry, or if I’m using food as a reward to ease the stress I feel. If I am actually hungry, I use deep breaths to help me tune into the level of hunger, serve reasonable portion sizes to start, enable myself to pause and feel after each bite, drink water or herbal teas to clear my palate. Then, I am able to move on calmly to outlining, and typing away.

Notice the additional tips to eating healthily (small portions, slow eating or pausing between bites, hydrating, etc.). In my experience, these tips are difficult to carry out successfully over-time without the support of somatic intelligence. If you are trying any new behaviors, remember to be kind and graceful with your process. Give your somatic intelligence time to develop. If you haven’t used it before, it may take daily practice to reactive that muscle memory.

Having offered hundreds of hours of both, one-on-one coaching and group facilitation in the areas of lifestyle behavior change, life visioning & enhancement, career planning, and leadership, I have observed that one of the prevalent barriers to behavior change is self-limiting beliefs. There is nothing wrong with having beliefs. Acknowledging these is the first step to identifying the values underlying our beliefs and the assumptions upholding them.

For instance, for the woman who came home to find relaxation in a few cups of wine, the old habit was based on the belief that when at home, she could only relax with the aid of wine. She valued relaxation through “me” time and wine. Her assumption was that she didn’t have the ability to relax on her own; that relaxation involved lounging with wine; and that wine could help her relax. She had trouble sleeping but denied that wine would have any effect on her sleep. Using the tip of “questioning assumptions and reframing values,” she recognized that “me time” and relaxation are important values that she can continue to honor without solely associating them with lounging with wine. She acknowledged that she associated relaxation with rewarding herself with wine. She reframed her value of relaxation and experimented with other ways in which she
could explore her capacity to do other activities to relax.

Initially, she still needed some form of reward, such as buying herself a bouquet of flowers on the way home, and arranging her flowers as a way to break her behavioral pattern—she had learned that the best way to break old habits was to adopt new behavior that replaced the old habits in space and time. Gradually, she started to tune into her bodily sensations, and explored relaxing without external rewards. She was one of the most successful at losing and keeping her weight off in a group I coached through lifestyle and behavior change.

In his book “Immunity to Change”, Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey describe that a neurological pathway to change needs to be established for change to be possible. In my coaching experience, examining the assumptions behind our behaviors enables the creation of such pathway. When my coachees become aware of how their assumptions limit their actions, it’s as if a light bulb is lit up–their mindset leaps into a new form of awareness that gets them ready for a new way of being.